Greetings lovely friends,
How are you? I miss you! It has been a while since I’ve been in touch and meanwhile our paths continue to unfold. I hope you are finding your stride as the lunar year of the Yang Water Tiger begins to flow. I know I am ready for the movement of time and the rhythms of my life to realign.
I think that is the real reason it has taken me so long to get in touch again. There is always a question of how much and what to reveal about how the pandemic has affected me.
Although I would like to be able to say otherwise, some part of me is still back in March 2020 frozen in place, stuck in a time loop with one foot in the air as I’m stepping forward... and it never lands. There I am hanging mid-step, about to land that foot into the future. Into the future I had imagined would unfold into the next moment and the next day. It never lands in that place. That future was replaced by this one.
I know as much as any of us that that moment is gone and has been gone for many moons now. Even so I feel that part of me in suspended animation, about to do all those things I was about to do. About to go all those places I was about to go. I know myself, I move slowly. I let go in pieces, some small, some large. With the passing of time another chunk of the iceberg is calving loose, about to splash into the sea.
I notice too that I am prone to do all the things. I blame myself for not pivoting more efficiently. I compare myself to others who quickly re-established themselves as yoga teachers, bodyworkers, acupuncturists. I compare myself to those who seemed to take the whole thing in stride, seamlessly transitioning from studio to zoom, old office to new. I know, I know, don’t compare, it’s meaningless and useless. And at the same time, oh so human. The mind just does it. It was trained to do that. Silly mind. Nonetheless, sometimes it succeeds at getting me down.
Maybe you know how this is?
I feel certain that know matter what you may look like at a distance, across zoom, organized and beautiful, I know that you have your own story of loss and challenge and change. I know that we all have had our lives rewritten and we are in the process of taking back the pen, clumsily at first, but doing our best to write the story of moving forward. One of kindling loving connections, cultivating just and equitable lives, living in harmony and love, letting go of the before times.
Perhaps we can take more deep breaths, pause, be pensive, curious, and receptive to mystery. Maybe we can invite new adventures while also honoring the enormity of how our lives have changed and will continue to change in this new timeline. At my best I surrender and open to evolution, embrace the collective uncertainty and trust my inner knowing.
Starting small from where I am, I begin with compassion and tenderness. It is okay.
This is just that part.
Drawing on the encouragement of guides and allies from the seen and unseen worlds, calling on the wisdom of my well ancestors, plant spirits, animal friends and comic book heroes I take another step toward reconnecting. I am set to the task of mending the fracture of my timeline. I feel my heartbeat, the rhythm of my life intact.
I am here in Santa Cruz. I have a beautiful screened-in tent/office on my deck. It is a delightful place to practice. I would love to share it with you!
So, here I am beautiful friends! I hope you will come see me!
We all have so many stories of the last couple years and how we have been living through, in and with the pandemic shadow. I would love to hear from you, about you, your family, your stories... Love,